Allwyn

We reached home last sunday.

We were already late by 4 hours before reaching vizag...( my sis and myself had taken a bus from hyd)
Mom and dad were already tense and going crazy....and to add to that my cell also was low on battery and switched off.

So by the time we got home there was a lot of anxiety and cheer,and even though i had sent a message to dad via someone else's cell...it still was the talking point for a good 20 minutes!!!

Homecoming is such a wonderful feeling.
Back to my good old room, overlooking the bright blue sea called the Bay of Bengal.
The sea is just about 200 metres away from our building and makes for a pristine view!!!

I had a good refreshing bath.
And then walked into the pooja room. Over the years we at our home, refer to it as the God's Room!
And the divine fragance of the incense sticks is simply heavenly.

It transported me into a whole new world.
And the first words that came out as i sat in front of the Lord were, "Thank you Almighty"

I just thanked Him for everything......
I thanked Him for giving me a family....a home.....a faith...and for just everything else.

Then it was time for lunch.
It was Sankranti ( by the way...belated Pongal wishes to u too)

And mom had done an amazing job of cooking up numerous varieties.
There was the pongal. And some wonderful sweets.....oh i just cherished the feeling of the first bite.

Its only when we stay away from home do we realize the magic of a wonderful family lunch. Iam sure u would agree with me!

But right now I want to talk about our refridgerator!!!
This one device in our home is something that always excites me the first day i visit home!
I had lunch.
So I wasnt really hungry!

But i still proceeded to open the fridge!!
My mind travelled back to all the days during my previous visit.

Its amazing how the fridge keeps me tied to such pristine memory.

Ours is perhaps one of the most resilient refridgerators of modern india.
I dont think the model is available now...but its a good 16 years old now.

I was just 8 or 9 then i guess...and we were in mumbai.
Boy! this refridgerator has seen it all.
( Let me use the term "fridge" .Thats what my mom calls it...and thats what i thought it was called too,till i was enlightened in school with some elementary education! )

It s green coloured door has figured in almost all of our modern home photo albums!!!

However it wouldnt remember anything that any sane man would, after being a part of the family for almost 2 decades now.
Why??

Coz u dont know how we ve treated this fridge!!
So wonderfully.
It makes us remember everything instead!!

Mom is the prime and rather sole manager of the fridge.
Dad manages only a small section, a small sliding door in the fridge, to stock his purchase of fresh flowers, required for his pooja next morning.
And he invariably ends up hunting for space in that section too!!

Reason??- Mom!!

All moms are phDs in fridge space utilization.

The way the vegetables are stocked....well when u take them out for cooking, they are already cut for u!
When i had last seen the fridge, the bottom drawer that s supposed to stack leafy vegetables, was literally being punched into its place by mom.
And it remarkably went inside.....

On the inner side of the refrigerator door are the spacings to keep the neat little eggs that u bring home.
Thank god the designers made a provision for keeping eggs.
Had they left the decision to mom, i guess we would ve had to eat frozen omlettes everytime someone opened the fridge! ;-)

We dont eat eggs.
And that gives mom more ammunition, i mean space!

Ofcourse a few lemons have managed to find their way up from somewhere beneath the fridge racks onto the egg space!
Mom has some engineering brilliance right? The lemons fit beautifully.

Then there was an old or rather a semi used cone kept there. I wondered if it was a Cornetto Walls?
Upon trying hard i finally managed to make out that it was actually a mehendi refil. One that beautiful girls can neatly apply to their little hands and dance with joy! I got to know that my sister had used that earlier.
It wasnt finished.
Mom didnt want to throw it away.
She didnt want to bother abt it too.
So she transferred the burden onto the fridge!

Stacked amidst a heap of broken pieces of ginger and bits of cashew nut or something, i managed to dig out a small packet of chocolates.
When I asked mom who gave them, she replied that it was by a visit by one of Dad's friends. And then the talk went to that gentleman's sons, who were studying abroad, then onto my higher study plans.
And I had already finished two of those delicious chocolates by then.

As I investigated further, I chanced upon some packets of amul cheese.
They were not even opened.
I asked why?
Mom said cheese wasnt good for her or dad's health. She had stocked them for me and my sister when we would come home.
Then the talk went to how I must eat good food. On what i am eating now.....am i eating oily stuff after my jaundice attack 1 year back.

My little sister also wanted to practice being a mom.

She began her sermon on why chikoo was better than mango or strawberry, when I had only casually mentioned that I drink fruit juices in office.

Anyway...i was simply enjoying the process of discovery of the fridge.
There was some leafy kind of vegetable stacked inside. I enquired what it was........

Oh! Had i triggered a storm??
That reminded mom!!
That was supposed to be made into a slimy green paste and given to me along with a glass of milk in those old jaundice days some prehistoric months ago!!!
"Hey u have to take that,for immunity from jaundice"


I managed to convince mom that i dont need all that stuff now! That I was fit, hale and hearty.....
She agreed......!!!!
But asked me not to throw that vegetable away. "Will come handy in case u fall ill.....", she was already laughing ( a sign that u neednt take seriously what mom said)

I rummaged through the scores of vessels containing things. Didnt find anything interesting
When i am on a holiday at home, i give in to this crazy habit of mine, that i ve coined as "total food"!!

I keep munching something or the other the whole day.
A chocolate, a cheese slice....then a sip of Fanta, some other crazy things like wafers and nuts.....every 15 minutes or so.
So even now, just after lunch, i was hunting for something to bite upon.

Then my eyes fell on a packet of resins. And i popped some of them.
I also stocked them in a secret egg location on the fridge door, so that i can reach them for every day of this week, before they are used up in cooking by mom.

There were also some fruits........and wait......the entire vegetable market in the 2 and 3rd shelves of the fridge!!!

I dare not touch them!
I could trigger an avalanche!!!!!!!!!

Okay...i was more or less done.
I closed the fridge door.
And now scanned the top of the fridge.
This area has been converted to a mini museum by mom.
It stacks all the cards that we ve sent home over the last one year.........her birthday- 2 Cards: one that I had sent and one that my sister had sent.

I saw the card that my sister gave and made sure that my card was better.

Dad's birthday cards

Parent's wedding anniversary cards..
All of the last 2 years...they were all there.

And then the discussion veered off into which aunty gave which gift to mom during which wedding, and what mom gave to them. 

I was bored. The two ladies in the house were gossiping!

There were also some loaves of bread that were yet to be opened. They provided the "logistical" support to the cards that were stacked against them.
And the position of these cards keeps changing everyday...
No guessing why? We eat lots of bread for breakfast ;-)

Oh!!
I forgot to introduce you to Allwyn.
Well he is the refridgerator, i mean the fridge i was talking about!!!!

And just incase u were triggerred into suspense by the subject line, then a little more explanation follows!

Allwyn is or rather was a brand of refridgerators that seemed to rule the roost in the early 1990s.
It was a good brand.
However i guess its gone out of the market completely.

But it still remains at our home!!!!!!!!!
And what a way it does so ;-)

Cheers

KettleMaster!

LOL! What the hell!

Moms & Touchscreens

One of the most fascinating observations in life is asking your mom to use your touch-screen phone.

Or better still: buying her a new touch-screen phone and demonstrating it for her use.

Moms are cute.

Most moms of our generation did not grew up with internet and email, leave alone Facebook, Twitter et all.

They hardly had opportunities to explore computers and stuff, and most took up jobs that did not provide them opportunities to learning technology. 

Using a mobile phone is more of a cautious act for most moms.
Green button: Pick up call.

Red button: Cut call.

Dial number, press green.
Done.

Many moms still wouldnt fully get the idea of a contacts search, so they maintain a separate diary of all their phone numbers.

So now imagine giving mom a touch screen phone!

OMG!

Here is what happened when I tried to teach mom to use a touch-screen phone.

For one, she didnt understand what a screen was doing inside a phone.

I had to explain that screen was different from the computer and TV screens.

"So why 'touch' screen?? i dont like all this 'touch-gich' and all. All that is in bad movies", she exclaimed to me.

Ok. I had the patience. I told her to call it "Button-less" phone.

She reluctantly agreed.

"So when a call comes, just press this button", I explained to her how to receive a call.

I should have used the word 'touch' instead of 'press'.

Because mom almost demolished the phone in trying to 'press' the button on the touch-screen.

She pressed it like a door-bell and felt weird seeing what was happening.

Well obviously!

I looked in horror as an area of the touch-screen faded away into a blend of liquid crystals.

"Mom! Are u kidding me??? Just touch it maa..., not really press it", I exclaimed.

"It is touch screen na maa....", I cajoled her again.

She is my mom after all....I cant be rude to her.

Ok patience. I told myself to be patient.

I actually let mom explore the phone herself.

"How to make a call?" she asked.

I told her to touch a button.

She tried.

Nothing happened.

I told her to touch 'this button", as I pointed to the 'Call" button.

She tried.

Again nothing happened.

I was surprised. 

I demoed it again.

It worked for me.

Mom tried again. Nothing happened.

But I had worn her glasses now and had tried to see what happens when mom presses that button.

Apparently mom was not touching the screen at all now.

I asked her "why??" 

She was like "its not a button. if i press it, you will scold"

Oh my cute maa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave her a hug and told her to chill.

She laughed.

I explained to her about calling.

If Steve Jobs were to come up with new touchscreen iPhones and iPads, I think he should make a version for all Moms.

And call them 'Dont press too hard-iPhone' and "Dont press too hard -iPad"

Finally, I told her to scroll down to see all contacts.

"Scroll where??", mom asked as she looked at the floor.

Moms are so cute!

I told her to think of the phone as my head.

And that i had got a headache.

Now i told her to imagine that she was applying some Amrutanjan or pain balm

Lo!! Mom was now scrolling contacts!!

- Its Me!

Wierdo Indian Habits

There are many that we can all think of, but I will start with these 3

1. Indian women and their mixies

Have u ever observed your mom turn on the mixie in the kitchen? One hand will operate the electric on/off knob.

The other? It goes right on top of the mixie container's lid.

My mom says it is to make sure that the contents of the mixie dont fall off!

Give me a break! If the mixie was designed to throw the contents out of the mixie while running it, it would never be called a mixie!

PS: when I ran the mixie, i also put my hand on the lid. i feared that if the contents actually spilled out, i wudnt be able to write this blog! 

2."5 Minutes please"

Go anywhere in India. If people cannot attend to you immediately or they dont want to attend to you, there is a standard answer "5 minutes please"

Does everyone know how long is 5 minutes?

Why is it always '5'? Why not '7 minutes sir' ?

You know whats worse?

Ya you know it.."One minute..i ll get back to you"

Damn you! If you could do something in 60 seconds, I wouldnt be talking to you.

3.Queues

Queues are meant to put people in a line.

A straight line that is.

In India, the queues go horizontally.

If its ur turn, u will have the person behind you, waiting by your side and eager for u to finish. No privacy nothing.

Its like if your turn is about to come next, you HAVE to stand right next to the person ahead of you.

Such enthusiasm!

Tell me more such hilarious habits you find amongst us all!

My Elevator Pitch

Morning rush is an extreme event. Especially if you are staying in a tall multistoreyed apartment.

Matters get complicated when everyone on every floor is chasing the same set of elevators to stop at their floor. And nobody has time, everybody is running late.

This morning, I got into the elevator on the 15th floor.

Like everyone of the 5 other people inside already, we all wanted to reach the ground floor, and we wanted the elevator to zip through.

The doors closed.

We felt like falling under gravity, when it stopped on the 8th floor.

2 guys walked in. They both had black coats.

The doors closed.

The elevator went down further. When it stopped on the 6th floor.

A blonde American lady walked in. She was wearing large spectacles. She was wearing a leopard skin coat. I felt like calling up PETA. She stood a picture of calm amidst a bunch of mostly agitated co-passengers.

The doors closed.

The 6 of us who had been on tour a few minutes longer than the latest guests had just one thing in our minds: "God! Show us the ground floor fast!"
And the elevator stopped again. This time on the 3th floor.

There was nobody there.

Some folks were getting impatient.

One lady scorned in anger, "Oh come on!!"

The doors closed.

But wait. As soon as they were closing, a hand flew in and just obstructed its path.

The way elevators are made today: they open up again.

"Sorry!!", said the guy as he stopped the door for his room-mate to come in too.

15 seconds more.

People were now crammed.

If there were no rules for civility, I think this guy and his room-mate would be made prisoners of war.

Actually we were all prisoners in this elevator.

The doors closed.

Ok now, we just wanted 'Ground floor'. Nothing else would do!!!

One of the guys was trying to shake the floor of the elevator with this feet hoping that the shining hair of the blonde in front would fall on his face. It didnt work though.

The elevator zoomed further down.

And stopped again.

This time at the 2nd floor.

One Indian lost it and began abusing to himself in chaste Tamil.

This time, a small little girl of about 8 years came in with her dog.

Aww! Everyone was confused in their emotions.

Small little girl? how cute

The dog?...Really?

One gentleman took off his spectacles in resignation. I think he had decided not to go to office now.

I think another fellow almost started crying.

The women (3 of them excluding the little girl) were quiet. I think they were anxious and praying that none of the men in the lift break open the elevator walls in anger.

The doors closed.

And finally it reached the ground floor.

We let the little girl go out first. Then her dog.

Then there was a stampede!!