Look! Even The American President Realizes What..

What Diwali Is All About

Happy Diwali! 

Spread Peace

Spread Light

Spread Hope

Spread Love

God bless!

Get Ready For The Movies This Festive Season

So this festive season it promises to be a fantastic affair for Bollywood movie buffs. The season has already started off with a bang with Barfi that has already won itself enough accolades to be selected as India's official entry for the 2013 Oscars. Dont miss that one!

If you haven't already warmed up the touching story in Barfi then you will be when you look at what lies ahead....

First (for all those Lamhe fans) Sri Devi is back in the much awaited English Vinglish that tells the story of a housewife who learns English to adjust and live in New York.


Returning to entertain us again is the king of family drama, Karan Johar; thankfully this time as a director with Student of The Year releasing on October 19.

The film has newcomers in the lead roles. Interestingly Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy are not doing the music for this one. Instead its Vishal-Shekhar.
Probably because of SRK's influence (since Red Chilles is co-producing the film along with KJo's Dharma Productions).
The music (Ishq wala Love) is already topping the charts as easily the romantic number of the year.

We spoke about SRK?

Well SRK is back too..and this time as an army man in Yash Chopra's "Jab Tak Hai Jaan" romancing Katrina Kaif and Anushka Sharma. With a unparalleled repertoire in Bollywood and a penchant for romantic classics, Yash Chopra is back as a director after 8 years. And  has teamed up for the first time with A R Rahman. If the promos are anything to go by, and with the music release yet to come, this one could well be one of the all-time romantic dramas in Bollywood. The film is all set for a Diwali blockbuster release on November 13.

Guess what. There is also the other Khan.

Aamir Khan is back with this "Talaash" releasing on November 30, quite surely adding more fireworks to Diwali. Now we all know Aamir is a perfectionist. He had the movie moved to the November release in view of his busy schedule with Satyamev Jayate earlier in the year. The movie is produced by Farhan Akhtar, and is co-written by Akhtar's sister Zoya. Kareena Kapoor and Rani Mukherjee play the leading ladies. The music is by Ram Sampath who is fast becoming the go-to music-maker for all of Aamir's endeavours.

And hold your breath.....u guessed it?
Yeah..we also have Salman Khan in the mix.

After tasting unimaginable success in Dabanng, Chulbul Pandey is back in Dabanng 2. So is the beautiful Sonakshi Sinha. There are high expectations on this one, but knowing Salman's movies, this one will surely laugh all the way to the box-office. Wary of the other 2 Khans releasing during Diwali, the producers have ofcourse pushed the movie to a Christmas release on Dec 21.

So you have KJo and all the 3 Khans!
The last time we had all the 3 Khans was in 2010 when SRK's "My Name is Khan", Aamir's "3 Idiots" and Salman's forgettable 'Veer".

As if this was not enough, we also have Rajnikanth's Kochadaiyaan releasing on Dec 12. More of AR Rahman! Kamal Hassan's Vishwaroopam also releases on the same date, so fans in Chennai are going to be treated to a bonanza! Oh and Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy are back as well, this as music directors in Vishwaroopam.

Other notable movies to look forward to this year: are Rani Mukherjee's Aiyya and the Mani-Ratnam/AR Rahman combo giving us Kadal (releasing in early 2013), which by the way has a beautiful pretty girl on the poster.

Here is hoping this festive season is going to be one fantastic experience at the movies!

Cheers!

Eternal Fanclub Wars

For every generation there are heroes. Be it sport, music, cinema, business or even politics. If there is one aspect in which heroes really endear themselves to human emotions is that they are fodder for coffee-table discussions. Of the battleground kinds.

Obviously not everyone can become a hero - what fun is it if everyone was a hero?! Whom would we gossip about?
And so people become fans of heroes.
And it is here that the topic becomes interesting - passionate fans will swear by their heroes.

And these make for fascinating discussions.

Take the case of the Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal rivalry.
The Federer fans are a combination of the uninitiated, the moms, and ofcourse the experts. The Nadal ones are the folks who like to be called underdogs, who crave for an anti-hero. And so the debates go on: Who is better? Who has the fastest serve? Who deserves the right to be called the real no#1? Who has a prettier girlfriend? Who has more money? The debate ends when both of them lose and some unheralded Novak wins.

Or the case of Mohd Rafi and Kishore Kumar.
Left largely to the elders in the family, these debates take great shape when two of them get down together for a Sunday breakfast and need a topic to converse. The women largely care less. The men are passionate. The Rafi fans swear by his renditions whereas the Kishore Kumar ones find it hard to trump the evergreen classics with Kishore Kumar himself in front of the cameras and serenading his women. The younger generation has tried to pit AR Rahman with folks like Pritam or Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy- but it hasnt worked. Fanboy wars work when there are 2 of a kind!

Then there are politicians. Akhilesh Yadav versus Rahul Gandhi.
One is a winner. One is always trying to win. Again it is the grand old men of the house that seem to have an opinion on what kind of policies are required in UP that can change the way their creaking chairs can be fixed.

For the women there are other kinds of debates.
Like Anandi vs Parvati vs Tulsi. Each one portrays a different kind of woman-following, and triggers in the lady an expression of approval or discontent based on what show she likes more and what her fellow kitty-party women follow. I love to see the expression on my mom's face when one of these lead women characters on the show is manipulated by other women. She almost sheds a tear!!

There is something for the kindergarten kids too. Batman vs Superman. Barbie vs (well!) Kent (now thats a bit funny!).

And some for the techie geeks: iPhone vs Android, Mac vs Windows, Apple vs Samsung...

Then there are the cricket fans.
The 'Is Sachin the greatest cricketer?' versus 'Is it Dravid?' debates. Oh give me a break! I mean really? Smart tip: you know who is the nerd in the group if he/she starts talking about Dravid in the face of Sachin. However the more interesting debates are the ones between father-son or uncle-nephew. The older generation paints this beautiful picture of Gavaskar and his sublime grace in the face of the youngster's craze for Sachin (or now a Kohli), and it takes some mindblowing hot dosas from the lady of the house to get them to forget talking cricket for a while. Of late there is discussion if Laxman was better than Dravid, and believe me I heard one of my relatives giving Laxman a better score because his wife looked more beautiful than Dravid's. LoL!!

But its fun. Apart from the rise of a few ounces of adrenalin, these characters touch our lives in more ways than we think. There is something to discuss, to chat, to feel for, and sometimes even to win some brownie points for breaking the ice. So the next time you hear a debate between Aamir Khan vs Sharukh Khan vs Salman Khan be sure to talk passionately about atleast 2 of them and negate the other - that is when your coffee will get warmer!

Cheers!
(PS: picture sourced from the internet)

Homework

Image obtained from the internet

Homework- the albatross that hung around our necks while in school.

We all hated it. But we all had to do it.
It took away our weekends. And cut short our play-time.

As kids all we wanted to do was play.

I remember those arguments with mom when I had to beg her to let me go and play in the evening while she insisted that I finish the homework first. She would bribe me by saying that I can play for 30 minutes longer. And I would bribe her in turn that I would help her clean the fans. Usually one of us would get the better of the other based on who was in it to gain - whether it was a guest visting the house that needed cleaning, or whether it was the season of a favourite sport during playtime.

Teachers were part of the mix too.
I think they gave homework only because they felt they needed to.

Think about it - did any of your teachers ever say to you "ok kids! u ve all worked hard. no homework today".
Never.

It would either be that your teacher forgot, or, more often than not, you just interpreted it to mean that there was no homework for the day.

And then there was holiday homework.
LoL!
This was the homework that you had to do while you were on your Diwali/Christmas or NewYear vacation.
It typically ranged from tasks such as reading all the 100 chapters in your history textbook, to drawing the maps of all the countries in the world (each with a different color). There was also the extremely complex idea of understanding those Hindi poems and translating them to simpler hindi- oh my!!

Seriously!I always found it difficult to understand the Hindi poetry.
Some of those poems by Harivansh Rai Bacchan are today posted by Big B on his blog.
He calls them the great tenets of wisdom.
And i still cant understand them.
And to think that poor 5th standard kids had to read, understand and prepare answers to questions based on those poems...that too during holidays....oh during Diwali holidays!

Goodness me!

Think about it - they gave you homework when you were supposed to be on vacation? Poor kids!
Adults never had to do homework when they were on a vacation from work - so why kids?

The best students neatly finished all their homework items by the time school reopened.
Down to getting their red Nataraj HB pencils sharpened and ready to go.

I was always choosy about homework.
Once in middle school one of the things I had in my list of holiday homeworks was to prepare a chart about some hindi poem that would be stuck on the class display board. I didnt want to do it...and kept postponing it until it was too late to do it.

When school reopened, the teacher asked me about it.
And guess what i said "which homework? who? me???????"
And she said "wasnt it you?"
I replied "No maam!"
"Ok forget it. Lets not waste time"

LoL!

But homework also had some good memories.
Like the school project that we had to do during the holidays.
I remember crying when dad tried to help me with it coz i wanted to do it all by myself.
But in the end he helped me do a fantastic job.

Or the time when I finished all my homework even before mom could ask and she was so thrilled that she let me play all weekend.

My sister was usually always perfect with her homework.
I think girls are always prompt and perfect about these things.

My sister and I would compete hard to be the first to finish homework.
And I would always lose!

I would always sit by the window-side when doing homework.
The sight of some of my friends entering the football ground below would alert me to go and bribe mom to let me go.
She wasnt always strict.
Most times I would get to go.
The problem was when there was an exam round the corner and I wanted to play.
I would feel guilty if I played before an exam.
Just the mentality of indian students.

And the feeling of getting to play after the last exam was over - OH MY GOD!!!!! i cant explain that! :)))))))

Rangoli, Doordarshan and Those Days

I was recently reminded by a friend of the good old Rangoli - a weekly Sunday television program that showed you the top 10 Bollywood film songs of the week. (surprise surprise! - my friend told me that the show is still playing every Sunday!)

Trip down memory lane..

We would obviously wake up late, but it wouldnt be very late. Sunday usually brought with it a tremendous dose of energy. It was a different kind of energy- not one that drove you to work like on a weekday. But one that would excite you for what lay ahead of a much needed holiday.

As mom would start her weekly special cleaning chores, the maid servant would try to wrap up her work as quickly as she could (ofcourse! it was a Sunday for her too). Dad would be busy with the Sunday morning newspaper - a big pile of fat supplements that no-one really had patience to read and would end up as cleaning material for next weekend. He would also be suggesting breakfast options for Mom, unaware that she had already decided on Upma!

My sister and I would wake up with different inspirations in our minds. I would be thinking of going out and playing cricket with friends. My sister would be in her dreamy world imagining the color of the plants and the sight of ships in the ocean outside our house. We would meet at the dining table where mom would ve laid a glass of Bournvita for both of us.

Everyone except Mom was invariably lazy on Sunday morning.

Until it was time for Rangoli on Doordarshan.

The best part of this TV show was that it brought an old world charm to everyone's busy lives. Back then the songs were more melodies and less electro-beats. The television would hum the songs while we all revolved around our routines.

Dad would use the opportunity to fix some electrical work as the songs hummed one after another. My sister was too small to understand the songs and so was quite entertained with the advertizements that came in between - the Nirma girl one her favourite. She still had her glass of milk in her hands, and there was now a white milk-moustache on her lips. I liked some of the songs. And disliked the others. I would part play football in the house, and part watch the songs. I would specifically like it when DD showed the torch-bearer national anthem or the Mile Sur Mera Tumhara ad. Seriously, DD was such a positive influence in those days. Mom would catch the songs in between work and in between making Upma. The maid servant would unfailingly stop near the TV room to catch the songs. She did not have a her own TV, so this was a great incentive for her to come to work on a Sunday.

Midway through the show, Mom would bring Upma for everyone. Dad would first ask "why Upma again?", and then enjoy it. Coz it was so good. I would ask for some curd and chatni-pudi along with it. Mom would serve everyone and then for herself. We would also give some upma to the maid servant (in her own plate that she brought along), so that she also enjoyed the show.

Oh and my sister- she was still stuck with her Bournvita! LoL!

As the show would end it would be deja-vu for everyone.
The maid would leave for the day.
My dad would plan the next item on his agenda for the day. My sister and I would begin our homeworks. Mom would plan for lunch.

Those were really memorable days.

The Turtle Picnic

(sourced from the internet):

The Turtle Picnic

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!

For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years... six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich. At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, "See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt."

Go Zlatan!

So who's gonna win Euro 2012?
My pick is a Germany vs Spain final, with a victory for...Germany.....no Spain.....err...Germany....no Spain.........don't know!

Pity that Zlatan scored the above beauty in a game of no consequences!

Pencil-Box

It was a trip down memory lane as I reminisced the good old primary school days when the classroom was a melting point of the middle class and the extremely affluent.

Given than everyone wore the same uniform, a kid's net worth was well represented in a few essentials: the water bottle, the lunch box and its contents, and the pencil-box.

Back then I had a simple pencil-box. The kind where you would open the box and stuff in all your pencils, eraser ( or 'rubber' as we called it) and the sharpener.

I never really had to buy a pencil-box. Most of my friends' parents were creatively challenged so for every birthday party I would have atleast 7-8 different types of pencil-boxes as birthday gifts.

Frankly speaking, buying a gift for your kid's friend's birthday party is one of the most agonizing routines Indian parents have faced since Manmohan Singh opened up the economy. Thus gifting a pencil-box is the safest option for an Indian parent taking their kids to their friends’ birthdays. It always comes across as well-meaning- "You should study well beta. Ok?” (Yeah! and then give you nightmares as the kid studies hard and scores more marks more than your son)!

The stock of pencil-boxes at home were also the supply of gift ideas for birthday parties my sister and I went to. So it would often happen that a pencil-box I received as a birthday gift would travel across 2-3 homes and again wind up in our house as a birthday gift for my sister.

I particularly remember my green metallic pencil-box in class 5. It had the cool dude 'Fido-Dido" character from 7-Up laced all over it. I would carry one ink pen and 2 pencils, along with an eraser, an ink eraser and a sharpener. Oh and a ruler!

The box had 2 compartments. The upper tray had my precious Hero ink pen (we had just graduated to ink then), and my ruler tucked underneath that. Not surprisingly the ruler always had ink stains. The lower tray had more room; it housed the 2 pencils and the rest of the armory.

Most of the time though, the bottom tray would be full of pencil shrapnel. Buried inside the shrapnel would be stickers collected at the local kirana store upon buying Britannia, Lays or Cadbury goodies. I remember wanting to collect 1 more sticker so that I would win a jackpot to meet Sachin Tendulkar and drink Pepsi with him. Or a chance to fly to Australia and get a kangaroo ride. On one occasion I had even packed my bags.

The rich boys in the class had hi-tech pencil-boxes. You pressed a button and a lever opened out to sharpen the pencil. You pressed another button and the upper tray opened up. You pressed one more and a side panel opened up to pick up the eraser and dump all the pencil shrapnel). It was classic Toy Story! Years later it would inspire Rajnikanth.

The version for the girls, I remember, was in pink and had a button which when pressed would throw open a mini mirror. Girls often carried little candy in their pencil-boxes.

Pencil-boxes also found another use in pencil-box fights. This was in addition to the pencil fights, pen fights, rubber-fights, sharpener fights, and rubber-sharpener fights.  Today we call it the IPL.

Most boys would use their pencil-boxes to hoard chalk-pieces for throwing at each other. The girls would steal all the colored chalks, so they could help their mothers with rangoli at home (as i learnt from my sister) Sorry teachers!

In high school, the pencil-box became a little less relevant. Most people carried what I would call a pencil 'pouch'- a bag like carry-on, the shape of a pencil-box, with a zip and string to ply along with. My sister loved these because she said it gave them early introduction into what would later become their handbags. They had gorgeous colors and varieties of different designs. Most guys had black or grey ones.

Those were good times indeed!

iPad for MPs

So there was the recent news that our Members of Parliament (MPs) would be given iPads and their so called 'computer allowance ' would now be increased to 2 lakh rupees per year.

Interesting times.

The government of India needs to rise to the occasion and send a representative to the Apple headquarters in Cupertino,California.

And make some changes to the iPad for MPs.

To start with, the touchscreen of the iPad is just not good enough for Indian terrain...err the floor...i mean the floor of the house!

The touchscreen should be laced with a coating of plexi-glass and other mind-boggling combinations of anorexic hydrates that will make the surface hard enough.

MPs are too lazy to clap when someone speaks in Parliament.

They bang their desks.(why do we still blame school kids)

So the iPad must be really strong and resistant to table banging.

The current design of the iPad will lend itself to being smashed into pieces of glass each time the Prime Minister stands up to speak.

The front camera must have an improved resolution. It should allow the back benchers of the opposition to look at the entire house and check if anyone is playing games on their iPad instead of focusing on the debate in parliament.

It will also allow women leaders to look more finely at the jewelry worn by other women MPs- since there are MPs from across the country, women can take pictures of other women MPs even as they pretend to be reading the manuscript of the speech being delivered by Union Minister of Masala Dosas.

iPad2 comes with Facetime.

This is extremely important for MPs. However the current design must be further improved to allow MPs to talk simultaneously with their husbands/wives, the members of the Rajya Sabha(who, oh-by-the-way are also going to be gifted by iPads) as well as people at Ramlila who do not have an iPad but are doing an iFast wearing caps that read "iAnna"

The iPad will operate only on wifi and not on 3G. That is because the government came up with this plan post the 2G scam. Anyways that is for another discussion on another day. 

The government actually does not want the MPs to use the internet while inside the parliament. I think thats a joke! Because one of the MPs will start a fast at Ramlila and soon there will be wifi in the Parliament. Its already there in the Parliament canteen, which is where long lost buddies who fought in the college elections discover each other and plot to bring the Government down when they get back to the Parliament building after finishing their tea.

We will also need the government to develop some critical applications or Apps for the iPad for MPs.

For e.g, the LokSabha Snake-n-Ladders game:

Basically each MP takes turns to roll a digital dice. Based on the count the MP climbs positions in the virtual Lok Sabha. The MP who reaches the Finance Minister's seat gets to take off for the rest of the day.

The only catch: Members who want to play should use their iPad and study the proceedings of the day when they go home. There will be an assignment and questions will range from "what was the color of the saree worn by the Leader of the Opposition?", to, "how many times did the Prime Minister blink his eyes?" to something pretty straightforward as "which MP was sleeping whole day?"

Another application would be a media application.

This is where each MP can get to interact with the media by sitting in his seat in the Parliament. All that they have to do is make a facial expression via Facetime each time a news reporter asks a question.

A social network application only for the Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha should be preinstalled on the iPad.

This will allow members from obscure constituencies to network with MPs from more forward cities like the metros and basically learn how to wear their dhoti properly when they come to the parliament.

The government must select iPads of different hues.

Apple products come in a wonderful array of colors.

I suggest the BJP MPs get orange or red.

The Congress MPs can get white.

All women MPs can get pink along with a pink smart cover. It is also recommended that women MPs get iPads designed with a special metal casing that can double up as a mirror in preparation for their evening kitty party.

Sorry. No cricket apps.
Those still crazy about cricket must go to the Rajya Sabha and listen to Sachin Tendulkar.

Once the MPs have iPads there will no longer be any need for paper circulation of bills. Everything will be digitally available on the iPads.

However the Speaker must give periodic instructions to the members that they should use the iPad only after washing their hands. Else the oil from the samosas and the kachoris will basically create a mockery of the iPad screen (and of the LokPal Bill)

When there is a debate, the members of the opposition can download all the news articles from across the world and use them for their speeches.

They can also click photos and email them to each other and then raise a no-confidence motion on the government on the grounds that they caught the Union Minister of Pajamas watching a Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge on his iPad instead of listening the speech made by the Union Minister of Pollution.

Its important that MPs do not get too excited by playing with the iPads

Finally I propose that each member of Parliament return the iPad if they lose the election to the next Parliament. That way we can ensure that whatever happens in the LokSabha and RajyaSabha..stays in the LokSabha and RajyaSabha

PS: The views expressed are purely fictious and are of my own. They are not meant to influence or demean any political party or the other! Go buy an iPad!

Dogworld

Whats with the human being's obsession with dogs.

In America, people treat their pets as their own.

They take care of them. Feed them. Walk them. Talk to them. Kiss them.

They give them interesting names often inspired from idiosyncratic cinema characters and sleazy television personalities.

Lets talk about dogs - supposedly a man's best friend. But I think they more are an American's best friend ever.
People in America walk their dogs on a leash. And they can be unleashed only in specific fenced parks or grounds labelled as "Dog parks".

This is where dogs celebrate their daily day of nirvana and find comfort in the travails of other fellow dogs. This is where they play with each other. Fight with each other. This is where human beings behave as sane creatures and respectfully look at each other (lest they dont embarass their dogs)

When the dogs are done playing they are curbed back on their leashes.

And then the owners continue walking them.

When the dogs want to relieve themselves they levitate towards certain geographic locations where the owner walks the dog too.

They relieve themselves.

And guess what happens next.

The dog-owner takes out a pair of plastic gloves from his/her pockets. And then actually picks up the droppings of the dog from the road.

And then throws everything in the nearby garbage bin. (unthinkable in India!!!)

The roads are clean. The dog-owner is saved from a fine/penalty or even a jail -term for 2 years.

And the dogs wink at the royal treatment ( "bow wow!!yeah my master cleans my S**T twice a day baby!!!")

The world is Facebook crazy.
Someone also thought Dogs need social networking. So they created Dogbook.And Catbook. Wow!
(yeah, go to FB and check it out)


American take their vacations seriously, and those with dogs need to plan additionally.

Most often they leave them with their neighbours (with notes on when to walk the dogs and how to pick up their S**T). 

Neighbours like it too.

I recently saw an ad in the apartment that said "Hi! I am in 8th grade. I want to make some pocket money. I can walk your dog every morning. Please call me at XXX-XXX-XXX"

Dog owners planning on a vacation to Hawaii would probably love the deal.


Another option owners have is to leave dogs in a dog shed.

These are communal dog shelters to take care of dogs while owners are away.

Except that they are a big business today.

They are called Dog Motels. or Dog Hotels.

Yeah you can do a google search and u ll get a host of places.

Here is an example: http://www.petswelcome.com/

The link also has tips for pets emergencies. And "how to prevent heat stroke" in pets.

There is also something called as 'Dollywood' - which is supposed to be a dog-only (thankfully) social event to guage their celebrity and status updates on Dogbook

Amazing!

Most Americans dont like to drive their own cars to the Dog Motel or Dog hotel.

So there are Dog Taxis (gimme a break!!!!!!!!!)

Like this one: http://www.seattledogtaxi.com/

Some families like to carry their dogs with them.

Yeah in the planes too.

And airlines permit dogs.

And they dont even have to buy a ticket.
And they dont have to go through security check.

Except that they should fit in a Dog basket that can be placed below the seat.

And the basket should be closed so that the dogs dont get out and eat all the food that the wild air-hostess wants to serve to everyone on board.

Also, we dont want the dogs to drive the plane.

Shopping stores have whole sections on Dog food. And Cat food.

Entire aisles are draped in Dog lingo.

They have Dog cookies and Dog snacks too. And its all so amazingly packaged.

The first time I was in the USA I hadnt realised i was in the animal section. And I almost bought a pack of Dog cookies!!

Omg!!

Thankfully I realised what I was doing!

:D

-

Its Me!

Glee In The Summer Sun

Somewhere in the busy streets of a city in New York:

A group of office colleagues in the room are busy wondering what the temperature is like outside. Its a summer's day. And they are wondering if they can step out to have some ice-cream.

They are dressed in summer wear. 

They pull out their iPhones and check the temperature outside.

A couple of them log-on to their computers and laptops to check the weather.

Some look at a cool iPad app that does a weather forecast every 10 minutes and predicts if there will be monsoon in Sahara that will cause the camels to do a salsa!

After sometime one of them decides that its too hot to go out.

Then another complains that that the dress she is wearing is too difficult to step out with.

A few minutes later a bunch of guys join the group.

The act repeats.

Smart phones, iPhones, iPads all come out and everybody is wondering if the temperature is 2 degrees up or down from yesterday.

Some of them appear to have solved the Global Warming problem of the earth.

Some others were lost if its Fahrenheit or Celsius- and accordingly if they had to complain along with the group or smile.

Eventually one of them steps out.

And then rushes back "guys! we can step out. its not bad"

"Oh is it? Great!"

Somewhere in middle of nowhere i mean...the dusty by-lanes of a sweltering city in India:

A group of young students are waiting for their school bus in scorching heat.
A business man is having a conversation with his wife in the AC confines of his car. Over the phone that is.

He steps out and continues his conversation; oblivious to the gradient of the temperature that he is about to experience. His nagging wife is not sure how to change the TV channel of his new 7-in-one home theatre set imported from Italy. 

He ends the argument. 

She begins a new one- she doesn't like the new washing machine. She prefers to warm her clothes under the open sun.
The businessman gets into his office. The cooler in his office is broken. A bunch of guys plan to fix it later in the day. The argument with this wife continues.

Two ladies are walking in the blistering heat towards their office campus.

One works for an ice-cream company. It doesnt matter.

A train is bursting with people in sweat. A bus is filled with people who are immersed in their local newspaper.

A truck driver is busy thinking if he can indulge in a Pepsi.
An insomniac has stepped out in a leather jacket. His bike contributing to the 'coolness' of the summer!

A bunch of people want to step for a cup of coffee.

One of them picks the local coffee shop.

They rush out. Within a minute they are sipping the best of coffee.

Karate Kids

When we were growing my parents relied on the public awareness that fitness and exercise was extremely essential for a child's good health. A good way for this was to introduce kids to sports or games.

Most of us would play (what else!) cricket in the playgrounds.

Or sometimes soccer.

Yet parents often felt cricket was a waste of time and was hard to succeed in.

They also felt cricket was a slow game

Bypassing all the other myriad Olympic sports that our colony had to offer, they somehow landed on the rather illogical decision that the sport that brought the child maximum strength and fitness was martial arts.

And so, I too was asked to join Karate class.

God! how I hated this!

Twice a week (including Sundays) we had to wear that white karate uniform and go to some school or hall where some moustached monster would teach us how to break bricks and twist every conceivable organ our body had in the hope of adorning a different coloured belt on our enormously fragile waistlines.

When I was in primary school I obediently joined the class because my parents asked me to.

The instructor would make us do exercises in the beginning.

One of them involved holding your hip and shaking your right toes to the count of 1-2-3-4-5 even as you had to look upwards at the ceiling and watch two mosquitoes mating with elan.

Then we had to run.

Take rounds of the school.

And as onlookers outside saw us slog like losers, we felt the equivalent of slavery.

One of the excercise involved sleeping on the floor and waiting till the instructor came and stepped on ur stomach. Ouch!

It was supposed to increase our stomach muscle. What a farce!

The girls would be spared from this ordeal. Thankfully.

After more wretched exercises we were split into groups where a junior instructor (a fellow who had joined the class few years earlier) would teach us karate steps. And we had to shout "kyaaaaaaaih" each time we punched the air as if we were simulating Aamir Khan in Gajini. 

The junior instructors would love to teach the girls - holding their hands and feet and coaching them to get the step correct. Such bliss!

Some of these junior instructors acted like poor cousins of Jackie Chan.

Little minds like me were clueless.

All I would be thinking was about the game of cricket or soccer that my other friends were playing.

What torture this Karate!!!

Wish I had spoken up and told my parents "i dont want to go"

I did.

The verdict was that I was being lazy.

Then one day the head instructor announced a Karate summer camp to the nearby Alibaug beach.

We were to leave on a Sunday morning and return that evening.

I was least interested.

Until I got to know that there would be free breakfast, lunch and snacks.

Almost 20 years later the only thing i remember from that camp was eating those bread rolls laced with jam and that awesome lunch on the beach.

And yeah..i remember shouting "kyaaiaaaaah" in the sand - guess I was shouting for chole bature.

A few years later my sister was also made to join the classes.

I have no idea if she enjoyed it or not. I think she didnt. She was more into the creative arts.

But she would come along with me.

The one sweet moment I remember very well though was our walk back home after the Sunday classes.

She was small.

And I had to escort her back home which was about a kilometer away.

We would walk on the sidewalk.

Telling stories to each other.

Joking and having fun, even as we were pissed off and tired by the crazy karate class.

I would guard her from the traffic on the roads.

There were no mobile phones then so the only way parents would know where we were was when we got home.

Once in a while we would feel thirsty.

And we would amble into a nearby Army canteen.

We didnt carry any money then.

But we would go to the tables and drink water when no one was looking.

I drank first. Made sure it was good.

Then I allowed my sister to drink.

I would never imagine doing that today given the large scale pollution and contamination of water today.

Then we would walk back home.

And when we got home..we would love staying in our karate uniforms.

Most of the times we would just sit and watch cartoons till mom would come and scold us to change.

I left Karate class in 6th standard when we moved to Vizag.

Unfortunately I was forced to join again in Class 8.

This time i was more in love with cricket.

So i would cheat the instructor and skip karate classes and play cricket/soccer.

I still had to attend karate class as my parents had paid the class fees (without even asking me)

My sister was lucky to be spared. She went onto attend Bharatanatyam classes.

Progress in karate was by belts.

You started with white.

Then moved to yellow..orange...and other colors of the rainbow.

Before you ended with a black belt!

Some guys were super serious about Karate.

One of the guys I knew went onto get a black belt and participated in the nationals.

For me though..I just wanted more colors.

I remember getting a purple belt and coming home proud.

I eventually ended at a brown belt.

But thats because I had been stuck at green for a while and I had told the instructor that he had to give me a brown belt else I would go to court.

Occasionally the instructor conducted tournaments.

And on a pretty big scale.

He called it Regional Level Championships (LOL!!)

The funny thing here was that we had to actually fight people.

I would much rather fight boys by matching wits on the cricket field or soccer pitch, or even the tennis or badminton courts.

But here I was fist-fighting in a quarterfinal with another guy.

The referee said "#@#%#$^#$^#@#%@#@@#$@#$@ Azmi" (he mumbled something in japanese!)

And I was looking at this other guy dressed in karate clothes.

I saw his belt. He was an orange belt.

I was a purple belt.

The seniority of the belts demanded that I command all the respect.

This guy came charging down at me.

I just moved.

He fell down.

I bent down and pointed my fist towards him and shouted "Kyaaaaiaah" - an action signifying that I had grounded him (one of the junior instructors had told me this tip)

Referee said "stop"

And declared me the winner.

I repeated the same in the semi-final and final and lo - I was the Regional Karate Champion!

Rofl!

Soap Inauguration

One of those little things in life that bring you cheer is waking up realizing that you are going into your bath with a new soap.

The thrill of opening a new soap is always an act of personal celebration for me.

No. Not the champagne and the jazz.

But just something that gives you a spring in your step.

The night before is when the previous soap is at its tiniest bit.

I know it wouldnt last till the next day.

Even if it did,  I wouldnt want to trade the opportunity to inaugurate a new soap at the start of a bright new day!

I laugh in a glee of contempt as I crush the last bit of soap and make such deadly lather out if it that the pores on my skin cry for peace.

In a jiffy, there is only lather.

No more soap.

The next morning as I reach out to my soap box, there is a joyful reminder that hits you that its time for the new soap.

I then dig into my personal warehouse in one dark corner of my closet.

It usually houses additional toothpastes, cartons of tissue paper, broken combs (the kinds you see in Dracula movies), accumulated but useful junk, and ofcourse, soaps.

I pick my new soap.

When I was in India, the soaps would be housed in a separate carton.

And depending on the length of your hand, your ability to see in the dark, and some luck, you would either end up with a refreshing Cinthol Lime or a dumb-u-smell-like-a-pig-Lifebuoy.

The latter was mainly used for domestic purposes until Hindustan Lever re-branded and reinvented those soaps to a much more (thankfully) saner soap. Yet, if you were not lucky or were having a bad morning, you would end up picking a Red Lifebuoy soap over and over again until you found a rose-petal-Aishwarya-Rai bathing-Breeze soap.

If it was the end of a quarter, you would probably just have the Red Lifebuoys (yuck!)

Sometimes you would end up with a Mysore Sandal. These were mainly meant for the women in the house, but men relished these as well. These were also grim reminders about the brigand Veerappan. But the aroma of the soap made u forget all your worries in the shower.

Sometimes one would end up with a "Lux Beauty Bar-Sitaron Ki Pasand".

The soap cover often had the attractive Kareena Kapoor or other size-zero Bollywood actresses that made me forget my morning rush as I stood enchanted in my solitary towel. As much as these soaps are targeted at women, men love to use them only occasionally (good break from the Hamams, Cinthols and Dettol soaps)

Some of these versions also had the words "Made with Milk, Honey, Amla, Pista, Protein and 100 other nutrients"

Two special soaps that brought a smile on my face were Hamam and Dettol.

Both had a wonderful fragrance that even made guys feel conscious about.

Both also had lovely advertisements played out on television.

So u always long for them.

Another popular soap for medicinal value was Medimix.

The best part of this soap was that you could use it on ur body as a soap and onto ur head as a shampoo.

Back to what I was talking about: so..yeah..i find my soap for the day.

And then unravel the neat packaging.

This is the soap that I would use for the next 2 weeks (or lesser depending on how many times I would fall into the dirty puddles while playing football).

The relationship gets pretty emotional.

The first day the soap is given a nice welcome.

I splash some water on the soap and get a feel for how I would smell for the next 2 weeks

As days progress the soap starts thinning.

You dont realise it till one day you are able to hold it with just 2 fingers instead of ur entire palm.

Thats when you start thinking about the soap.

How it had served you well.

How it would be missed when its gone.

How you pray that you would get the same soap when you searched your closet in the dark.

You scrub the soap one last time!

And then its time for a new soap :)

How Wonderful It Would Have Been If

 The Akshaypatra provides the meals for mid-day meals in schools across various locations in India - you can also be a part of this noble cause by donating - you can donate at ISKON centers. Akshaypatra has been started by ISKON and is an integral part of ISKON

The kitchen from the outside - a three-storey building which uses Gravity Flow Mechanism developed in-house
by our team. Each kitchen has the capacity to cook between 50 000 to 100 000
mid-day meals per day. Costing approximately 9 crores to set up, they are built with funds from public donations.

 The kitchen from the inside, consisting of rice cauldrons each of which
cooks up to 110kg of rice in 20 minutes. Sambar cauldrons cook up to 1200
litres of sambar in two hours.

 It is washed thoroughly on the 2nd floor

Washed rice is sent down the chute to the 1st floor

Rice pours down into steam heated cauldrons for cooking. The entire cooking process
takes place on the 1st floor

Super heated steam is used to cook food instead of flame.

When cooking is finished, it is loaded into trolleys

Cooked rice is sent down the chute to the ground floor

It flows down the pipe into containers

Piping hot rice on its way to being loaded into food vans. Around
6000 kilosof rice are cooked daily in each kitchen.

Food materials in Kitchen

Stock in the kitchen

Washed dal and vegetables flows down the chute into sambar cauldron on
the 1st floor.

Vegetables and dal ready to be cooked

Sambar being cooked on the first floor

Cooked sambar is packed and sent to the food vans to be loaded.

Chapati dough is mixed

Heavy rollers flatten the dough into thin sheets

Dough is cut into the classic round shape

Making chapatti

Collecting all the chapattis

Transporting akshayapatra food through bus

Happy Kids

Students benefitted from Akshayapatra!!

NOW SOMETHING TO REFLECT

How wonderful and thoughtful it would have been if lavish money thrown over IPL cricket matches was used for something like this by the sponsors

How wonderful it would have been if the Rs 96 Crore that was eaten up greedy individuals in the CWG scam was used to sponsor more free lunches for hungry children in the country. We could have fed hungry children in about 11 different cities.

How wonderful it would have been if the Rs 176,379 Crore that was eaten up by greedy individuals in the 2G scam was used to create more such Akshaypatras in the country. We could have built atleast 19600 such Akshaypatra Centers in our country!

How wonderful it would have been if our governments ensured that the poorest of the poor kids in the country had access to something like this. They would study. They would be educated. They will earn a livelihood for their families. And the number of people living below the poverty line in the country would decrease. We would be a happy nation. And thrive in prosperity.

 The Akshayapatra centers are not a government venture but built from public donations

How wonderful it would have been if you were reading this and felt like doing your bit for organizations like Akshayapatra

http://www.akshayapatra.org/

This is not a post written by me, but from an email forward