Bhava

One of the strangest things in Indian families is how we address our relatives.

Lets take the case of my cousin Prerna. She is a few years elder to me.

Ok she is about 6 years older to me.

I would almost liken her to be Prerna Aunty.

But the family tree suggested that she was still my first cousin.

So I began addressing her as Prerna Akka

Strangely, her older sibling, Prakash is about 9 years older to me.

And I call him just Prakash. Not Prakash Anna.

So it becomes extremely difficult when I meet them both and say "Hi Prakash, how are you" followed by "Hello Prerna Akka, how are you".

Anyway, Iam still ok with dealing with the confusion.

But sample this.

Imagine Prerna's little son calls me 'Mama'!

Nope. That makes me feel old.

I would want little Arun to call me just by my first name.

But it doesnt end there. Sample this recent phone conversation between me and Arun:

Me: So Arun, do you remember me?

Arun: Yeah i do. Mummy told me.

Me: Mummy? When did Mummy speak to you

Arun: What do you mean? U just now spoke to her right?

Me: Oh you meant your mummy! (realising he was not referring to my mom)

Arun: What?

Me: Yeah yeah..I know know..I was unable to hear you clearly (I was embarassed)

Me: Ok, so which school do you go to?

Arun: SNMHT 

Me: so does (Prerna) Akka drop you to school everyday?

Arun: Who??

Me: oh I mean does mummy drop you to school everyday?

Arun: yeah. she drops me at 10.

Me: ok give it to Vijay. I mean Daddy ("YOUR daddy" I told myself in my head)

Gosh!

I have decided.

Everyone is going to call me by just my first name.

Even my great grandchildren will.

I want them to know how cool their great grandpa was.

Yikes. I am not a grandpa! Why am I even getting there!

The most agonizing thing is when you have a mental map of someone elder associated with a term and then that term is applied to you.

Like my mom's elder brother in law often visited our house when we were younger. His ship would anchor in the harbour for a few hours or a weekend, and he would stop by our place.

My mom would call him 'Manohar Bhava'

'Bhava' meant brother-in-law. i guess.

And in my mind, it was always mapped as someone who is older, elderly and respected.

So when of my cousin sisters came to meet Prerna Akka, I was there too.

I was having a good time with Vijay her husband, whom for some reason i was still addressing as Vijay.
And guess what - she exclaimed 'hello Prerna!". 

I knew it was coming when she continued "Hello Vijay Bhava"

I ran away from there lest I become another Bhava somewhere in this complicated family tree!